“If you don’t value yourself, then you will be attracted to people that don’t value you, either.  Change the view you have of you, and you will change the pattern.”  –  Charles J. Orlando

Our intimate relationships, more often than not, are the focus of our lives. Most of us have had our hearts broken, and after a relationship dissolves, we walk around like zombies, dead inside, because we have shut down our hearts (and our ability to heal) out of fear. The endless stories we tell ourselves, as to the “why,” creates more sadness.

We live in the past believing that to love again will certainly lead to more pain.

Perhaps zombie is a strong word. After all, we look normal, but in truth how many of us are hiding our discomfort and denying closeness because we don’t trust ourselves to make the choice to be vulnerable again? Without vulnerability, intimacy cannot survive.

So let’s make this personal… how would you know when it is safe to be vulnerable again?

Are you willing to allow for the possibility that you cannot know the answer? And to take it one step further, is it even possible for a relationship to flourish without vulnerability? I don’t think so.

Will your new love last, you ask? I can tell you with certainty that it will last until your needs change, and/or you realize that your values are not compatible. You cannot know unless you remain open to what life is showing you.

If you stay together past your expiration date, there will be a part of you that is not satisfied, and the relationship requires that you both do the inner work of “to thine own self be true.” A willingness for self-honesty through inner exploration must be the priority of the day.

You may ask yourself… “Is this person worth risking my heart?”

We cannot trust our heart to another if we don’t trust ourself… so, where does this leave us in the search for a loving, supportive, and perhaps committed relationship? Committed to growth and truth that is.

What you must know is that it is absolutely necessary to know your own heart. What are your values in the various areas of life, and which are the most meaningful for you? Also, It is essential to put your values in priority order. Only you can know for you. There is no “cheat sheet” supplying the right answers.

It is not possible to sustain the love and attraction in a relationship unless you have similar values and in a similar order of importance. Your values are a statement of your life and a testament to the walking of your hero’s journey.  Your values and living in integrity with those values are what makes you “you.”   

For example, I will list several areas/elements of life that I have discovered are important to investigate and discuss freely in order to have a better understanding of your personal values/needs, and if you are compatible where it counts.

Some of the areas are as follows, but not necessarily in order of importance… lifestyle choices, shared interests, communication style, career or life’s mission goals, health and wellness interests, expressions of intimacy (not sex), sex, and the use of resources/money to name a few.

If you are experiencing a time in your life desiring to expand beyond where you are, please check out my book Hugging Trees in the Dark: Finding the Courage to Free the Heart, available on Amazon.

Sending you so much love and encouragement for your journey of awakening. I am here to inspire and help you to make the changes to become more self-empowered… being free to become your authentic self!


If you would like to go deeper with this material, please check out my website www.robinjillian.com there you will find a link to my podcast shows and many other blogs. You can also go directly to awakenradio.net for my podcasts as well. Please, if you would like to support my work, subscribe to Awaken Radio.

♡ In love, RJ  “Free the Heart and Evolve the Soul”